Jose Mourinho to coach Dembare?

September 4, 2008 by Simbarashe ·
Filed under: Sports

Now that the Russians, Asians and Arabs have made their mark buying English Premiership clubs, I was just thinking that I should buy Dembare before they come here and start taking up our clubs.

All I need is to talk to Uncle Gideon so that he can lend me some money (If he can’t help I can talk to one of my other rich uncles (Uncle Nigel, Uncle Phil and Uncle Strive immediately come to mind).

The Abu Dhabi group last week paid over US$400million for Manchester City. Now that’s a lot of money man. I think for about US$20,000.00 (twenty thousand) I can snap up Dembare in a record Zimbabwean football deal.

Firstly, I would rename Dembare from “Dynamos” to “Dembare Fo Sho”- you know, just to add that modern flavour.

I would then hire Jose Mourinho. I know you’re thinking he’d never come here but Jose is a man who likes a good challenge and I know if I presented it well enough he’d take it up. Jose would be responsible for making sure that we have a winning team.

While Jose is working on the boys, I’d talk to Uncle Phil and get Pinnacle Properties to build a whole new 100,000 seater stadium for us. I’m currently looking for an appropriate location. Any ideas?

Uncle Phil does some good work so you can be sure that we’d have something in the same league as the famous Bird’s Nest Olympic Stadium in Beijing, China. The stadium would be called: “Danga reDembare” and it would incorporate a fully fledged health club and gym which members of the public could join.

The next thing would be to set up Dembare Fan Shops around the country. These would sell Dembare merchandise and memberships. I’m thinking big here. Imagine Dembare branded furniture for your home, a Dembare clothing line, Dembare sports wear and even a Dembare line of BMWs.

You can tell I have been reading Uncle Milton’s column in the Sunday Mail.

Then I’d talk to Aunt Sharon at Imago to hook us up with the biggest baddest marketing campaign that has been seen this side of the Sahara. I’m talking full page adverts in all the major papers- and I don’t just mean the local papers. I’m talking every major paper on the planet. We’d have adverts on CNN and in Sports Illustrated. We’d have our own Dembare channel on DStv.

I’d hire Aunt Kiki to get the best models in Zim to do PR work for us.

The all new Dembare Fo Sho website would be one continuosly ringing online cash till, selling off our merchandise to people on every continent.

And finally, after many years of struggling to make itself seen, Dembare would be the undisputed African football champions. Fans will fly in from all over the world to watch every Dembare match. Not long from now, I can see myself asking Uncle Phil for a bigger stadium…

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