The differences between men and women
Names
- If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
- If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
Eating Out
- When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
- When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
- A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn’t need, because it’s on sale.
Bathrooms
- A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
- The average number of items in a woman’s bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
Arguments
- Women always have the last word in an argument.
- Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
- Women love cats.
- Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.
Future
- A woman worries about the future — until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future — until he gets a wife.
Success
- A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
- A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
Marriage
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
Dressing Up
- A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Looks
- Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
- Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
Children
- A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
- Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
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