Program set up to assist Zim alcoholics

September 18, 2008 by Happy Brenda ·
Filed under: Joking around

The new Zimbabwean Government of National Unity (GNU) has its work cut out for it. Among the many national and international issues to be dealt with one problem rears its head more prominently than the others. Due to the sustained hardships that Zimbabweans have had to go through many have turned to alcohol for solace. The GNU is planning to set up a task force to deal with nine types of “problem drinkers” who are costing the fiscus millions of dollars a month.

1. De-stress drinkers
who use alcohol to regain control of life and calm down. They are most likely to include middle-class women and men and their partners often reinforce their behaviour by keeping a stock of drinks.
What they drink: Bottles of wine (several)

2. Conformist drinkers
who are driven by the need to belong and seek structure. These are typically men aged 45 to 59 in clerical or manual jobs who believe going to the beerhall is what men should do.
What they drink: Real lager brigade - beer should be at room temperature

3. Boredom drinkers
consuming alcohol to pass the time and seeking stimulation to relieve monotony. Alcohol helps them to feel comforted and secure while acting as a substitute for company.
What they drink: Can after can after can of cheap lager

4. Depressed Borrowdale drinkers
of any age or gender and whose life is in “more of a crisis than anyone else” and who crave comfort, safety and security.
What they drink: Pass me the gin

5. Bonding drinkers
are driven by a need to keep in touch with people who are close to them and who often forget how much they are drinking.
What they drink: Whatever the other person is knocking back - it’s all about reflecting the other person’s actions you see

6. Community drinkers
are motivated by the need to belong. They are usually lower middle class men and women who drink in large friendship groups. A new group is that of party youths who have sponsored beer drining binges.
What they drink: Scud, kachasu, tototo, nippa

7. Hedonistic drinkers
who crave stimulation and want to abandon control. They are often divorced people with grown-up children, who want to stand out from the crowd and prove their youth. Sometimes they are married people whose partners went to the Diaspora a long time ago and haven’t called or emailed in a while.
What they drink: Spirits with energy drink mixers, e.g. sting

8. Macho drinkers
spend most of their spare time in pubs. They are mostly men of all ages who want to set themselves apart and prove their status.
What they drink: Alcoholic-themed games - beer and spirit concoctions with ‘challenging’ chasers

9. Border dependents
regard the pub as a home from home. They visit it during the day and the evening, on weekdays and at weekends, drinking fast and often and may suffer from a general sense of malaise in their lives. They can’t stand the power cuts and lack of food at home so they hang out at the pub.
What they drink: ANYTHING. It depends on what they can afford that day.

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