Stepping into a step-family
Millicent and Mark joined the spiraling statistics of divorce figures in Zimbabwe in 2007, following a short-lived tumulus marriage, which only lasted for approximately one- and-a- half years. It was she who had made the conscious decision that her marriage was over and filed for divorce from her husband, following many months of having gone through marital trials, which stemmed from what she now regarded as having been a mistake – daring to step into a step-family and marrying a man who was twice her own age. Ever since she has had the issue of divorce laid strongly upon her heart.
Following her decision to move out of the matrimonial home, she faced much stigma from a patriarchal society that always points an accusing finger and puts the blame on women. Many gender insensitive Zimbabwean men have been known to declare that if they could have their own way regarding issues of language-change they would change the Shona name for women (vakadzi) to ‘vatadzi’ (evil-doers). In this case, Millicent was regarded as ‘mutadzi’ (a wrong-doer) in the issues surrounding her divorce, which became controversial because she dared to divorce a man of the cloth.
LEARNING TO ADJUST
It is not always easy to leave one’s past life and to adjust to a completely new family set up with very different rules and regulations. When a second remarriage occurs, the whole family goes through a transition period, but in spite of this sensitivity and thoughtfulness to the new spouse are essential to make the stepping into a new family go smoothly. I was a crucial part of my husband’s life and this made his children a crucial part of my life as well and creating family harmony and managing to balance our needs as a couple with the needs of an entire new family was challenging. Read more
