Stepping into a step-family
Millicent and Mark joined the spiraling statistics of divorce figures in Zimbabwe in 2007, following a short-lived tumulus marriage, which only lasted for approximately one- and-a- half years. It was she who had made the conscious decision that her marriage was over and filed for divorce from her husband, following many months of having gone through marital trials, which stemmed from what she now regarded as having been a mistake – daring to step into a step-family and marrying a man who was twice her own age. Ever since she has had the issue of divorce laid strongly upon her heart.
Following her decision to move out of the matrimonial home, she faced much stigma from a patriarchal society that always points an accusing finger and puts the blame on women. Many gender insensitive Zimbabwean men have been known to declare that if they could have their own way regarding issues of language-change they would change the Shona name for women (vakadzi) to ‘vatadzi’ (evil-doers). In this case, Millicent was regarded as ‘mutadzi’ (a wrong-doer) in the issues surrounding her divorce, which became controversial because she dared to divorce a man of the cloth.
LEARNING TO ADJUST
It is not always easy to leave one’s past life and to adjust to a completely new family set up with very different rules and regulations. When a second remarriage occurs, the whole family goes through a transition period, but in spite of this sensitivity and thoughtfulness to the new spouse are essential to make the stepping into a new family go smoothly. I was a crucial part of my husband’s life and this made his children a crucial part of my life as well and creating family harmony and managing to balance our needs as a couple with the needs of an entire new family was challenging. Read more
Small-House
Never before have family values been more seriously challenged in Zimbabwe. For the maintenance of morality, being chaste before marriage and fidelity in marriage has always been propagated, yet both chastity and fidelity have been largely ignored by the majority of Zimbabweans and the issue of small house has become a social cancer and much debate has been conducted about the practice which has nearly destroyed the very social fabric structure of the family.
Although chastity is always advocated, both in the religious and the secular world, many stories are abound of couples who continue to have adulterous extra-marital affairs, which in the Zimbabwean context, are referred to as “small-house” and as a sad result, adultery has become almost like an epidemic.
It was believed that in the past, African culture and morality had sustained itself around two great traditional pillars, both rooted in the family and culture. One was premarital chastity, with absolutely no sexual contact before marriage. The other was marital faithfulness, with no room for extramarital affairs. Tribal, cultural, ethical, and religious forces supported these values and fear also supported these values: fear of what the tribe, the family, friends, and relatives might say; fear of God, fear of unwanted pregnancy that would bring shame to the family and the tribe; and fear of sexually transmitted diseases. Read more
Sugar Daddy!!
Daddy Time with Rebecca
Of late I have been spending a lot of time working on a website www.eatout.co.zw and this led me to lose out on quality time with my three children Jared, Rebecca and Cassandra. On Monday I decided to spend a little quality time alone with my daughter Rebecca - I fetched her from school - something her mom usually does. We then went for lunch - or more accurately I went to have lunch, Rebecca just wanted to have ice-cream and chocolate sauce. To make it a little sweeter she wanted to sprinkle sugar - now I usually wouldn’t agree and I can see you cringing at the thought. She made those angel eyes and of course I said Yes!
This was all happening at Theo’s Coffee Shop - which I know as 167 on Enterprise Road. Rebecca then decided that she wanted to put her feet in the swimming pool and she said “Oh! please Daddy!”. The shoes and socks came off and there sat a thirty something business man in the middle of the working day barefoot in a public place with his daughter.
No matter what anyone says it was absolutely worth it.
Joseph
I am looking for Memory Gomwe
I am looking for a friend of mine from the University of Zimbabwe, when I attended back in 1999 as an exchange student from the United States. Her name was Memory Gomwe (if I recall correctly she was engaged at the time, so her current surname may be different).
I believe that her father was a schoolteacher in Chegutu and I am certain that she was a Shumba (from what she told me about Shona culture). I understand if there is insufficient information to find her, but I am trying as many resources as possible to track her down. I humbly ask that, should you have any information on her or her family, you pass it along. I would be in your greatest debt. Thank you for your consideration.
Know any happy marriages?
Good day Zimbos
I was having a discussion with a friend of mine the other day about marriages. She was just remarking how so totally unhappy a lot of marriages are.
There’s a couple she shares a flat with who have been fighting almost every day for the last few months. Apparently it all started when the man was called up by an old female friend of his who was in town. He went out for lunch with her and then quite casually told his wife about it.
She erupted into an angry outburst about, ho nhai, inini you don’t take me out to lunch but your old girlfriends get special treatment. Apparently there were other “issues” besides the lunch date that had been simmering under the lid, cause all of a sudden a lot other things started pouring out. Read more
Sipho
Sipho: Dad I want to marry Zandile
Dad : No ways my son, Zandile is your sister, her father was working
in JHB so I had a relationship with her Mum and She gave birth to Zandile, but pleas dont tell your Mum.
Sipho: Okay Dad.
Six months later Sipho had courted another lady called Zingisa.
Sipho: Dad I have Zingisa now and I want to marry her.
Dad: Son She is also my daughter, Her farther was also working at the
Mines so I impregnanted her Mum, please dont tell your Mum again. Read more
