Stepping into a step-family
Millicent and Mark joined the spiraling statistics of divorce figures in Zimbabwe in 2007, following a short-lived tumulus marriage, which only lasted for approximately one- and-a- half years. It was she who had made the conscious decision that her marriage was over and filed for divorce from her husband, following many months of having gone through marital trials, which stemmed from what she now regarded as having been a mistake – daring to step into a step-family and marrying a man who was twice her own age. Ever since she has had the issue of divorce laid strongly upon her heart.
Following her decision to move out of the matrimonial home, she faced much stigma from a patriarchal society that always points an accusing finger and puts the blame on women. Many gender insensitive Zimbabwean men have been known to declare that if they could have their own way regarding issues of language-change they would change the Shona name for women (vakadzi) to ‘vatadzi’ (evil-doers). In this case, Millicent was regarded as ‘mutadzi’ (a wrong-doer) in the issues surrounding her divorce, which became controversial because she dared to divorce a man of the cloth.
LEARNING TO ADJUST
It is not always easy to leave one’s past life and to adjust to a completely new family set up with very different rules and regulations. When a second remarriage occurs, the whole family goes through a transition period, but in spite of this sensitivity and thoughtfulness to the new spouse are essential to make the stepping into a new family go smoothly. I was a crucial part of my husband’s life and this made his children a crucial part of my life as well and creating family harmony and managing to balance our needs as a couple with the needs of an entire new family was challenging. Read more
Small-House
Never before have family values been more seriously challenged in Zimbabwe. For the maintenance of morality, being chaste before marriage and fidelity in marriage has always been propagated, yet both chastity and fidelity have been largely ignored by the majority of Zimbabweans and the issue of small house has become a social cancer and much debate has been conducted about the practice which has nearly destroyed the very social fabric structure of the family.
Although chastity is always advocated, both in the religious and the secular world, many stories are abound of couples who continue to have adulterous extra-marital affairs, which in the Zimbabwean context, are referred to as “small-house” and as a sad result, adultery has become almost like an epidemic.
It was believed that in the past, African culture and morality had sustained itself around two great traditional pillars, both rooted in the family and culture. One was premarital chastity, with absolutely no sexual contact before marriage. The other was marital faithfulness, with no room for extramarital affairs. Tribal, cultural, ethical, and religious forces supported these values and fear also supported these values: fear of what the tribe, the family, friends, and relatives might say; fear of God, fear of unwanted pregnancy that would bring shame to the family and the tribe; and fear of sexually transmitted diseases. Read more
To be or not to be married
Why is it that a lot of single people want to be married and the married want to get out of marriage? Is it a case of the grass looking greener on the other side or just some indecision…? The bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and also commands husbands to love their wives whilst wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. Is it totally un-doable? Cast your vote on www.hupenyu.wordpress.com
And so UDI, I protest…
So, having waited those five months, having emailed UDI (Norweigian Directorate of Immigration) many times, the Norwegian embassy in Harare even more times and even the King of Norway four times, and receiving from non of these parties a response that would tell me when I would get the VISA I must protest. To this day I am told “we do not know when your papers will be processed.”
Five months later! Not acceptable. In my own country where government departments have all but fallen apart, I applied for a passport and got it within two weeks. So, will someone please tell me, how a country, which has year after year been said to be the best place to live in the world, cannot process a VISA application in five whole months?
Can someone tell me how in an age of online transactions that take five seconds to process, it should take so long for a man to get the paperwork so that he can be with his wife?
And so I protest. Vehemently, I protest.
Starting Monday, 2nd March 2009, I am going on a reunification fast and I will drink only water till I get word about when I will be with my wife. I am also hoping that this action will bring attention to this issue and urge the UDI and other immigration departments around the world to fast track family reunification VISAs.
Sorry sweetie, but I protest.
Five months of waiting…
I have been waiting now for almost five months. It will be 5 months on March 7th. No sign of a VISA. No sign that there will be a sign of a VISA- and yet they told me two months. What system is this, designed to keep people apart for so long? What bureaucracy that does not make way- even for love?
Know any happy marriages?
Good day Zimbos
I was having a discussion with a friend of mine the other day about marriages. She was just remarking how so totally unhappy a lot of marriages are.
There’s a couple she shares a flat with who have been fighting almost every day for the last few months. Apparently it all started when the man was called up by an old female friend of his who was in town. He went out for lunch with her and then quite casually told his wife about it.
She erupted into an angry outburst about, ho nhai, inini you don’t take me out to lunch but your old girlfriends get special treatment. Apparently there were other “issues” besides the lunch date that had been simmering under the lid, cause all of a sudden a lot other things started pouring out. Read more
